She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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