Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
