im drinking this country out of the recession.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it glows. i had to have it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
