oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
