Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need to calm my uterus...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
