I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
