dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
