There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
