why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
