I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize