I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
