We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
