i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
