I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
