if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize