I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize