This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
