We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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