a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
420 ftw
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
