i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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