I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
