Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I am puke
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
