fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
