I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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