things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize