So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
