so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
