I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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