I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
