I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
