Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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