And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
