why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
