erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
