she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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