Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
