I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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