sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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