My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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