I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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