So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's great music for shaving your balls
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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