...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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