Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he thought i was a dude.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
