the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
