its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
