I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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