you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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