your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
