ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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