great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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