He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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