So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
