I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
