I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
