I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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