I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize