Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
