Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is the high leading the old right now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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