Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
