All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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