he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
