A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
